What Happens To My Spouse When I File A Restraining Order?
If you are married to an abusive spouse, you know what it’s like to fear for your safety in your own home. It often feels like you have nowhere to hide because, unlike most people, home for you is not a safe place. Fortunately, in Massachusetts, you can seek a restraining order to protect yourself if your physical safety is at risk. Still, you may be wondering what will happen to your spouse when you file a restraining order against them and how it may impact you and your family.
Filing a restraining order is a significant legal step taken to protect oneself from harm or harassment. When you file a restraining order against your spouse, several things happen that affect both you and your spouse. Understanding these steps of the legal process can help you prepare for the process and ensure that you take the necessary measures to safeguard your well-being.
What is a Restraining Order?
A restraining order, also known as a protective order, is a legal decree issued by a court to protect an individual from harassment, abuse, stalking, or threats by another person. Typically used in cases of domestic violence, harassment, or stalking, the primary goal of a restraining order is to ensure the safety and well-being of the person seeking protection. The court can direct the abuser to cease the abuse, have no contact with the victim, stay away from their home or workplace, turn over any firearms and firearm identification cards, and/or award temporary support and custody of minor children to relevant guardians.
Once a restraining order is in place, breaking its rules is a crime, and cops have to arrest the abuser if they see or believe the order has been violated. If the abuser breaks the order, call the police right away. It’s a good idea to carry the order with you and let neighbors, your job, and childcare providers know about it.
Who Can I Get a Restraining Order Against?
In Massachusetts, one can get a restraining order against:
- a person involved in a substantial dating relationship with the victim
- a present or former household member
- a relative by blood or a present or former relative by marriage
- a spouse or former spouse
- the parent of a minor child, even if the parents never married or lived together
If you do not fall into any of these categories, you should consult with a family law attorney to determine your options for protection. You may still be able to file an alternate type of order or request other safety measures depending on your exact circumstances.
How Do I Get a Restraining Order?
You can get a restraining order from any district, superior, or probate and family court in Massachusetts. If it’s after court hours or on the weekend, you can go to any police department for an emergency order.
When applying for a restraining order, you need to include a sworn statement about recent or past abuse incidents. You will also be asked to provide details about the abuser such as their work address, phone number, birth date, and social security number.
Will My Spouse Know That I Have Requested a Restraining Order?
Yes, your spouse will eventually know that you have requested a restraining order, so long as it is granted. If the restraining order is not granted, chances are good that your spouse may not know about your request. However, if your request is granted, then the police will need to serve your spouse with a copy of the restraining order for it to be valid and enforceable. At that point, your spouse will know you requested and were issued an order of protection.
When you file for a restraining order, the court usually may issue a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) right away if it believes you are in immediate danger. This order offers temporary protection until a full hearing can be held.
Once the TRO is issued, your spouse must be formally notified about it. This process is known as “service of process,” and it is required by law to ensure that your spouse is aware of the restraining order and the upcoming court hearing. Service is typically carried out by law enforcement officers or a professional process server who will deliver the restraining order to your spouse directly.
The notice includes details about the restraining order, such as the terms and conditions that must be adhered to and the date and time of the court hearing where both parties can present their case. This means your spouse will be informed about the allegations and the restrictions imposed by the order.
If you got a restraining order from an emergency judge outside of regular hours, you’ll need to go to the courthouse the next business day to get it extended. You’ll fill out the restraining order application and submit it, along with a written affidavit explaining what happened and why you need the order. If your spouse doesn’t show up for this hearing, the judge might extend the order temporarily and schedule another date for your spouse to appear before issuing a longer-term order.
If you get a restraining order from a judge during regular business hours, your spouse will be served right away. At the hearing, the judge will set a return date about ten days later. You won’t need to file anything additional on that return date.
What Happens When My Spouse Is Served?
After a restraining order has been issued, state law enforcement will attempt to locate your spouse and hand them a certified copy of the order, which can include an additional order suspending any firearm licenses and requiring them to surrender their guns.
If your spouse is at your home when they are served, the police will allow them approximately ten to fifteen minutes to pack some basic personal belongings and escort them out of the residence.
Regardless of which way you first obtain your restraining order, at the extension hearing, your spouse will have an opportunity to present a defense relating to why they believe the restraining order should not be issued on a long-term basis. If your spouse agrees to an extension, then the hearing is not necessary, and the judge will generally simply extend the restraining order, usually for a one-year period.
What Happens to Your Spouse if a Final Order Is Granted?
At the final restraining order hearing, your spouse has a right to be present and represented by an attorney. You can also have an attorney represent you at the restraining order hearing if you wish. If a judge grants the restraining order, they may require your spouse to do the following:
- Leave the home where the two of you were residing, even if the residence is only in your spouse’s name;
- Not have any contact with you, including phone calls, texts, and social media;
- If you have children together and you are agreeable, the judge could provide for limited communication or visits with your children, but if you are not agreeable, the judge will usually defer those types of issues to family court;
- Stay away from your place of employment, the homes of your family members, your child’s school, or any other location you listed in your request for protection that you or your children frequent;
- Order them to continue paying bills or the mortgage; or
- If you and your spouse share children, a court may grant you sole custody. If you agree, the judge may set specific and limited times when your spouse can see the kids. Under Massachusetts General Laws 209A §3, a court can order that the children’s exchanges occur in a protected setting, such as a police station, that the visits are supervised, or that your spouse refrains from using any drugs or alcohol in their presence.
What If My Spouse Is Angry?
The legal process for a restraining order can be emotionally and psychologically taxing for both parties. Your spouse may experience a range of emotions, including anger, frustration, and helplessness. It’s important to be prepared for possible reactions and to prioritize your safety throughout the process. Ensure you follow all the conditions of the restraining order and stay vigilant. If your spouse shows up or violates the order, contact the police immediately. Keep a record of any incidents, threats, or communications related to the restraining order. This can be useful if further legal action is needed. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups for emotional support. It can be helpful to talk to others who have been through similar situations. Depending on the level of threat, you might need additional safety measures like changing your routine, enhancing home security, or even seeking a safe place to stay.
Is My Spouse Out of Luck If It Is Issued?
No. Your spouse has legal options if they disagree with the restraining order:
- Contest the Order: They can present evidence and witnesses to argue against the issuance of the restraining order.
- Request Modifications: If the restraining order is granted, they can request modifications to the terms. For example, they can ask for a modification of visitation rights with the children.
- Appeal: If they believe the order was unjustly granted, they can appeal the decision to a higher court.
Speak with an Attorney to Understand What May Happen When You File a Restraining Order Against Your Spouse
The events that lead up to getting a restraining order–and getting a restraining order itself–are traumatic experiences. But knowing what to expect can help you prepare for your spouse’s reaction and maintain your safety. It can help you protect yourself and your children. Quality legal representation by a family law attorney can make all the difference. Because our extraordinary team at O’Connor Family Law has over 35 combined years of exclusive family law experience, we are prepared to help you through this process. For more information about this process and what you can do to protect yourself against an abusive partner, call or contact our office today. Let our compassionate team assist you through this challenging time.