Sole Custody: Is it Always the Best Option?

When parents separate or divorce, one of the most challenging issues they face is determining the best child custody arrangements for their children. The decision on whether one parent should be granted sole custody can significantly impact the children’s emotions and day-to-day life. While sole custody might seem like a straightforward or preferred solution in some cases, it is important to recognize that it is not always the best option for every family. Here are some things to consider when deciding whether to seek full custody.

Understanding Custody 

It is important to understand custody in Massachusetts. There are two types of custody that can be assigned: legal custody and physical custody. Legal custody determines who makes decisions pertaining to the child’s education, medical care, religious involvement, and emotional development. Physical custody determines where the child primarily lives and who is responsible for their daily care. Each type of custody will be assigned as either shared custody (also known as ‘joint custody’) or sole custody. 

Sole legal custody means that only one parent has the authority to make major decisions about the child’s life. If one parent has sole legal custody, the non-custodial parent may still be informed about the child’s life, but the non-custodial parent does not have decision-making authority. Some of the decisions include things such as:

• Education – Choosing the child’s school, special education services, or extracurricular activities.
• Medical Care – Deciding on medical treatments, surgeries, therapy, or mental health care.
• Religion – Determining the child’s religious upbringing, including participation in religious ceremonies or education.
• Emotional Development – Making decisions regarding counseling, psychological support, and general well-being.

Sole physical custody means that the child resides primarily with one parent while the other parent may be assigned reasonable parenting time if it is in the child’s best interest to do so. In cases where there are concerns about contact with the non-custodial parent, the court may assign supervised parenting time with an approved third party, supervised parenting time at a supervised visitation center, or remove the parenting time entirely. In any case, the custodial parent will be responsible for the child’s daily needs including meals, transportation, and routine supervision. Regardless of the parenting time awarded to the non-custodial parent, they may be expected to provide child support to the custodial parent to support care of their child.

How Is Custody Decided?

A court will always consider what is in the best interest of the child, not just what a parent is advocating for. The court considers several important factors when deciding what is in the child’s best interest, including:

• The physical and emotional well-being of the child.
• Educational performance (attendance and academic) and community involvement.
• The child’s relationship with each parent as well as their extended family.
• History of abuse, neglect, or substance abuse by either parent.
• Who has been the primary caregiver in the past.

If the child is old enough and mature enough, the court may also consider the child’s preference, though it will not completely defer to what the child wishes. 

Reasons to Seek Sole Custody 

There are certain situations where sole custody may make the most sense, but they have to align with the best interest of the child. For example, a parent might have safety concerns about the other parent. If one parent has a history of violence, abuse, or neglect, granting sole custody may be necessary to protect the child’s safety. Safety concerns don’t need to be based on active threats of harm from the other parent either. It can be enough that the safety concerns come from reckless behavior like leaving firearms unsecured, or exposing the child to third-parties that engage in reckless conduct. 

Other situations that might call for sole custody can be lack of parental interest in the child or extremely high conflict between the parents that can cause the child distress in a shared custody arrangement. If these issues are present, sole custody may create the most consistent and stable environment for the child. 

Why Sole Custody Might Not Be Ideal

Sole custody is not always the best option for children and their families. In some cases, sole custody arrangements can severely limit the child’s relationship with the non-custodial parent. Children generally benefit from having strong, healthy relationships with both parents, and limiting contact with one parent can have long-term emotional and psychological effects. This is particularly important when the non-custodial parent is willing and able to provide care and support. 

Sole custody can, in some cases, also lead to what is called parental alienation. This is where the custodial parent may attempt to undermine or discourage the relationship between the child and the non-custodial parent. Parental alienation can be a result of unresolved conflict or feelings of anger between the parents. When this happens, the child may become alienated from the non-custodial parent, even if that parent has had no history of abuse or neglect. Parental alienation is a serious concern because it can cause irreparable damage to the child’s relationship with both parents. Children can become resentful or develop behavioral issues that continue into adolescence.

Sole custody can also place increased pressure on the sole custodian. Even though sole custody might reduce conflict, it can be difficult for the parent awarded sole custody. The pressure of being the sole caregiver, decision-maker, and emotional anchor for a child can be overwhelming. In situations where the custodial parent is struggling emotionally to parent the child, the child may suffer as a result. Having both parents involved in the child’s upbringing can relieve some of the emotional burden on the primary caregiver and provide a more balanced, supportive environment for the child.

Benefits of Shared Custody

While the idea of shared custody may not sound possible or desirable at the moment, there are several benefits to raising a child with a co-parenting plan. A shared custody arrangement promotes:

• Emotional balance and increased support for the child
• Reduced pressure on both parents
• Stronger long-term family relationships
• Cooperative parenting

We aren’t saying that shared custody is always the easy choice or the right choice for every family, but with willing participants and the proper structure, it can often serve the best interests of the child.

Contact an Experienced Child Custody Attorney

Child custody battles are one of the toughest situations that a loving parent can endure. The complex emotions that arise at the end of a marriage or relationship can complicate this process significantly. It is important to seek out an experienced child custody attorney as soon as possible when figuring out custody. The attorney can lay out your options and help you chart the best possible outcome for yourself and your child, whether that is sole or shared custody.